Toxicity in the workplace - trigger warning… you might not be ready to hear this..
Author : Kirstey Jane - Human Behaviour & Relationship Strategist
I’m going to bet that the moment you read the title of this article, you either smirked or felt a pit in your stomach as you could instantly relate to a situation at work!
That’s why you are here and still reading…maybe hoping for some empathy, wisdom or insight that might lessen the dread that you carry when you wake up each morning and think about your work day.
So let’s get to the point. If it’s ok with you I’d like to share openly and honestly about a few things that might just challenge and shift your thinking to get you to a place where you can get your power back. My intention is always to try and leave you better than I found you.
If the words you are about to read seem provocative and make you feel uncomfortable, I invite you to ask yourself why that might be and just notice that you are having a reaction. Is it what I’m saying? Is it the language I am using? My tonality? Or is it your perceived beliefs about me, given how little you know? Maybe what you are reading is reminding you of someone or something else in the past that has made you uncomfortable… Maybe it is mirroring something you don’t like about yourself….…
I just ask that you simply notice. Notice your own reaction. No one is judging or critiquing you right now but just notice…how YOU judge, get irritated or don’t feel at peace. Maybe you don’t want to read this anymore. Notice why you want to read on…what are you seeking here?
I genuinely believe that in 99% of cases people started out life with good intentions. The only reason they become dysfunctional is because of their circumstances and their unwillingness to see their part (and power) in those moments, that they can change at any given time.
Every person wants to feel seen, heard, accepted, appreciated, loved and respected. Even the a**holes. That’s why the a**holes are bitter and difficult! They don’t know how to get these feelings through other people, let alone themselves. They feel constantly let down.
Every person is reacting in every moment. We are receivers trying to tune into a frequency that makes us happy. If we can get control of how WE react, then it puts a stop to the toxic cycle.
Let’s look at the Merriam-Webster definition of ‘toxic’ as pertaining to people:
‘Extremely harsh, malicious or harmful’
We can all understand and relate to this.
However, here’s the thing.
It is far too easy in today’s society to be upset, offended or triggered by something we experience and then assign total blame to the offending party. We then rally others to agree with us and petition for a rule to control everyone ‘out there’. We would rather create division and separation instead of unity. We enable a victim culture instead of helping people become more of themselves so they can overcome their fears. We don’t encourage them to seek to understand those who are stuck in their negative stories and behaviours. We refuse to bravely look in the mirror and notice how we
are reacting
…which in turn can now create another toxic cycle…
Toxic situations are comprised of two elements. An action
and a reaction
.
Which element are you partaking in?
You have to be part of one of these elements in order for you to be experiencing any toxicity at all. If you are not present to the situation or engaging in it, you will not experience it.
Whenever you are upset by something, notice how you are always there!!
Some of you will be feeling defensive right now.
“Are you saying this is MY fault???” “How can it be MY fault that THEY are behaving so badly and are being SO mean to me?”
When you can admit which element of the situation you are engaging in, then you can take back control of THAT part and start to eliminate toxicity in your life anywhere, with any one.
A person can walk around being as mean as they can be, but if there is no one else to react to it then they are just a mean person walking around stuck in their own story.
People are always going to people. A**holes will a**hole. Idiots will idiot.
There is NOTHING you can do about other people. Let them be.
You have no control over any one but yourself.
Your power is in deciding how you will REACT to them. When you change how you react, other people will change how they react to you.
Action (them) ——— Reaction (yours) ———Reaction (theirs)
This is human nature. If your reaction is emotional and unstable, you can bet their reaction will be more emotional and unstable.
If you can’t envisage this at work, imagine your interactions with your family, partner or children. It’s all the same. It’s human nature.
Taking accountability for ourselves is one of the hardest and scariest things to do. It also gives us the most power.
Author Bio
Kirstey Jane is a creative professional with a passion for people!
Her experience is vast. She has a 17 year career span in Learning & Development and Recruitment Management in the UK and Canada working with rapid growth start ups and legacy corporations alike.
She founded SuperCorporatePeople, a professional photography business 21 years ago and now writes, speaks and runs workshops on relationships and communication in the workplace and at home, through KirsteyJane.com
If you would like to learn more about how to do this and learn 3 simple, but very powerful tools to transform your relationships, then please sign up the free workshop I will be running on July 11th 2024, details can be found here.
The views and opinions expressed in this blog post belong solely to the original author(s) and do not necessarily represent the views and opinions of CPHR Alberta.
The views and opinions expressed in this blog post belong solely to the original author(s) and do not necessarily represent the views and opinions of CPHR Alberta.
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